Friday, January 4, 2008

Selection Committee - Democrat Brackets

Admittedly, it's a little late to be talking about a selection committee, being that Iowa has already Caucused - but hey, I just go the idea for this blog today at lunch, so back off ;-)

This will give us a chance to draw up the backets and seed the candidates on our own.

The left side of the brackets will be (predictably) the Democrats.

The Left brackets will be divided into the Eastern and Western regions, while the Right brackets will be divided into the Northern Region and the Southern Region. Keep in mind that the selection committee has a right to place a candidate in any region to preserve seed, regardless of where they are actually from.


Here we go...

East Region (Democrats)

#1 Hilary Clinton - She comes from a mid-major conference (US Senate - Warren G Harding and John F. Kennedy were the only two sitting US Senators to be elected Preseident. It's hard to consider the US Senate as a major conference in Presidential Politics), she has tons of experience fighting the "right-wing conspiracy", she's tough as nails (actually, I think she eats them) and she reminds me of the ex-nun who taught me 8th grade english at Holy Cross (I'm equally scared of both Ms. Clinton and Ms. Kohls).

#2 John Edwards - Boy wonder! Actually, you have to ask yourself how this guy is seeded so high. Seriously, he played for a short time in a mid-major conference (US Senate) and his non-conference schedule is pretty weak - he's a mega-rich trial attorney who previously lost as VP to one of the most unpopular Presidents in recent history. But, he is engaging and he's got a great smile. Let's face it, John Edwards would make a darn good looking $25 bill 50 years from now.

#3 Dennise Kucinich - A junior conference (US House of Representatives) player who won the play-in game from last year's election. He looks a little bit like an elf, except instead of cute, he kinda wigs us out.

#4 Chris Dodd - Another mid-major conference player who is strong on every Democrat core issue (except the environment - no one can spray THAT much hairspray and claim to be for the environment).

West Region (Democrats)

#1 Barak Obama - A mid-major conference player with all of the glitz, glamor and charm of a major conference player. The knock on Barak is his inexperience with foreign policy. Of course, our current President didn't have any foreign policy experience either, so what could possibly go wrong?

#2 Bill Richardson - The only power-conference (governor) player for the Democrats. He's smart, articulate, has experience in the executive branch - yup, it's official, he's got no shot at winning it all.

#3 Mike Gravel - He released the 'Pentagon Papers' in 1971, exposing the lies and manipulations that led up the Vietnam War. He's also the candidate that has told the American people we are getting "fatter and dumber" and that we should "grow up, pay more for gas and get off the dependency in the Middle East". More people would ensorse Gravel, but they are too busy driving their SUVs to the Quik-i-Mart to pickup potato chips and cola, hoping to make it home in time to watch that TV show where fat people exercise and cry.

#4 Joe Biden - He once said of Rudi Giuliani that "there are only three things he mentions in every sentence - a noun, a verb and 9/11". This guy is funny; no one is listening.




No comments: