From our readers...

You mean, there are people actually reading this? Well, yes!!!!!! Trust me, we are as surprised as you.

mr4448 has provided the following entertainment link: http://www.miniclip.com/games/campaign-game/en/
This is kind of like 'election Risk'.

jimjamz has provided this: http://glassbooth.org/ it's a little survey that shows how closely you align with the candidates - the results might surprise you. (I'm 70% aligned with McCain and 69% aligned with Obama - yes, that means Obama and McCain are actually pretty closely aligned to each other).

Election Bracket Update

Just in case you haven't been keep track of the brackets, here there are:

Eastern Region Semi-finals Clinton v Dodd

Politics is an interesting game... Rarely do things play out like the pundants say they should. Now, don't get excited, Dodd didn't beat Clinton; no, Dodd didn't score a point.

The surprise in this game is that Hilary Clinton is actually human! She has a heart; she has a soul (albeit a politician's soul, so it's damage beyond almost all repair - but it's there). She has feelings.

For more details, we go down to our on-court reporter, Jiminy Cricket.

"That's right, just before the game tonight, I was listening to Hillary go through her pre-game warmup, and as she was working the crowd courtside, when it happened. You could see the change come over her face. It got rounded, the donkey ears seemed to shrink back to normal person-sized ears, and the strings just melted away from her hands and feet. I think it was the tear that did it. Although she didn't actually cry, the mere act of creating the tear apparently turned her into a real person. We've never seen anything so authentic in any tournament before. There's never been such a changed candidate in the first round. It's incredible!"

Thanks Jiminy. It really seems like all of the action actually took place pre-game. I also seems that Clinton's nose is no longer growing every time she tell a lie - that will be a HUGE advantage in the later rounds of the tournament.

Final: Clinton beats Dodd, but who cares. Hilary Clinton is actually a human being and other women recognize she is one of them!

Primary Limericks

There once was a ma'am from New York
Who collected her barrels of pork
The caucus she lost
20 million it cost
and she still thinks her husband's a dork


Candidate of change in the room
wow, his poll numbers do zoom
The first of his race
who's now in first place
He's hoping it's all not too soon


John, the rich trial attorney
his second chance in this tourney.
For the class in the middle
social welfare he'll fiddle.
Will VEEP be the end of this journey?


There once was a Mitt from ol' Mass
Who had money coming out of his ass.
In Iowa he banked,
but the caucus did tank.
Let's get him to Michigan fast.



The minister had a great win
in the flatland of corn and no sin.
New Hampshire is rougher,
the field there is tougher.
Can he beat up ol' Mitt agin?


He once kicked George Dub-yah's behind
in New Hampshire, no less, it's Divine.
His home state's much warmer,
this finance reformer.
Will the voters, again, be as kind?



We haven't heard much from the Rudi
in Florida he parked his patootee.
If you don't vote for him,
the terrorist win.
9/11! Remember your duty.

Southern Region Semi-finals Romney V Paul

Ok, I have 2 potential matches for you, Mr. Redstate...

Matchmaker: He's poorly funded
Redstate: OK

Matchmaker: He's old
Redstate: uh-huh

Matchmaker: He's from Texas
Redstate: oh, OK, that could be good

Matchmaker: He's for limited government
Redstate: right

Matchmaker: He thinks we should go back to the gold standard
Redstate: Now I'm worried

Matchmaker: He's against the war in Iraq
Redstate: You thought this guy would be a match for me?

Matchmaker: He's very popular with bloggers
Redstate: Seriously, who else do you have?

Matchmaker: Ah yes, Player #2. He's rich
Redstate: I'm listening

Matchmaker: Super-rich and he's from the north east
Redstate: keep talking

Matchmaker: He uses a lot of hair gel and has an unnaturally white smile. He makes Ken, of Ken and Barbie, look like Chewbacca
Redstate: oooooooooo, that feels good.

Matchmaker: He's a former governor of a blue state
Redstate: Oh yea; OH YEA!

Matchmaker: He's active in his church
Redstate: Right there, don't stop - I'm almost ready!!!!!

Matchmaker: He make monogomous, missionary-only love to his wife
Redstate: Could it be?

Matchmaker: He's Mormon
Redstate: F*&^%$& Man! Why would you say that just when I was about to caucus? F*&^%$& seriously, couldn't you have waited until afterward to mention that?

Redstate: Who else do you have...?



Final: Romney's personal fortune keeps him around for at least 1 more round.

Western Region semi-final - Biden v. Obama

And now the real games start... This one started about 45 minutes late.

Joe Biden and the 3 people who still work for his team all showed up perfectly on time. All of us were in our seats, popcorn in hand, waiting to watch the first tournament game. TV cameras were set, Dick Vitale and Tim Russert were in the broadcast booth for the play-by-play while Anderson Cooper and Wolf Blitzer were reporting from the floor. We were all waiting... and waiting.

Finally, a rustling in the eves! Some flash bulbs went off, chants arose from the crowd and the man, Barak Obama himself, could be seen. The sound was deafening. Obama marched into the arena followed by a long train of celebrities and ordinary folk alike.

Joe Biden stood to address the crowd, but was almost pushed off the stage by the throng of people still entering from the Obama camp. He was caught in a sea of people and trying to swim against the current.

Obama calmly walked to the stage, apologized for being late (he couldn't find parking) and started one of his patented "FIRE UP!; READY TO GO!" chants with the crowd. He then started to say something about "change", but no one was listening... We all saw her - Oprah Winfrey was in the building. The excitement was palpable!

Barak introduced Oprah and the crowd went crazy!!!!! It was like a Beetles concert, only, with excitement and screaming.

We think Joe Biden just slipped out of the arena after Oprah was introduced. Nobody noticed, nobody cared.

Final: Obama-Winfrey crushes Biden

A Word About Experience

I was watching the players practice the other day - NH debate - and there seemed to be a lot of talk on the Dem side about experience. With all due respect to all of the players - there is only one person who is both eligible and qualified to be President: George H W Bush.

Everyone else, regardless of how close they were to the Oval Office, is an observer. My Dad is a chemist - he spent 30 years as a researcher for a major consumer products company. He knows more chemistry the anyone I've ever met (including profs in college). Me, I'm an engineer who needed to retake freshman chemistry to avoid getting a D. Proximity isn't experience!

Bill Richardson said that he was the only candidate who actually balanced a budget. The current New Mexico annual state budget is about $4.7 Billion. The current US annual budget for FY2008 is about $2.8 Trillion. Using Richardson's argument, since I balance my checkbook, I'm qualified to be CFO of General Electric. Proximity isn't experience!

The Play-in Game: Brownback v Tancredo

In this game it was hard to tell if it was desperation, bigotry or ineptitude that stole the show... Thankfully, no one actually saw the game, statistically, since both players poll inside the margin of error.

Sam Brownback - Rolling Stone magazine calls him "G-d's Senator": http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/9178374/gods_senator/ We're just calling him nutty.

Tom Tancredo - This guy would make a xenophobe blush. Check out this political ad he was running. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rBK7bWh1m04.

It's clear that we're not witnessing top-25 play with these two. This stuff is just plain funny without commentary. Fear not, though, the tournament is in full swing and we'll see the real games coming up soon.

Oh yea, the results of the game (as if it really matters): Tancredo wins because people are still trying to figure out how to build a fence between Mexico and the US without actually using any Mexicans to build it. With Brownback out, that only leaves us with 2 serious GOP candidates for President who don't believe in evolution.

Selection Committee - Republicans

Since the left side of the brackets are Democrats, the right side of the brackets will be Republicans (Duh!). The GOP regions will be the North region and the South region. Again, keep in mind that the selection committee can place a candidate in any region, regardless of where they are actually from.

And now the brackets:

South Region (Republicans)

#1 Mitt Romney - Romney comes from a power conference (governor) with an interesting conference and non-conference schedule. His conference schedule included running one of the most liberal, admittedly mid-sized (by population), states in the Union. He was also the Chairman of the 2002 Salt Lake City Olympic Games. So, if the terrorist want to set up a global athletic competition to determine ideological superiority, Romney's our guy!

#2 John McCain - Yet another mid-major conference player who has done this before. He has experience with presidential elections (no experience actually winning them, though). He's also made a name for himself, recently, for authoring a bill condemning torture. If he's so against torture, why does he keep running for President? Still, he's well known and highly respected.

#3 Fred Thompson - A well known, no-nonsense, dynamic, experienced politician with an electrifying delivery. Oh, wait, that's what the GOP wants him to be - actually, he's a southerner with a slow, southern draw, monotone delivery and he's spent some time in a mid-major conference (US Senate). But, he's still no-nonsense and if we were electing the District Attorney for Law & Order, he'd be a shoe-in.

#4 Ron Paul - Is he Libertarian or Republican? In order to get a driver's license in Texas, he had to declare Republican. Ron Paul is the GOP answer to the quirky Dennis Kucinich - except, Ron Paul doesn't creep people out and so he's able to raise money.

North Region (Republicans)

#1 Rudolph Giuliani - On 9/11, when he was mayor of NYC (during 9/11), he made a name for himself, on 9/11, as "America's Mayor" during 9/11. Giuliani, on 9/11, was a steady leader, on 9/11, during the chaos of 9/11 and brought us up from the despair of 9/11. He's been married more times than Elizabeth Taylor (911 times). Oh yea, did I mention anniversary, birthday and the birth of all his children is 9/11?

#2 Mike Huckabee - A power-conference player (governor) who was previously best known for being a 'Biggest Loser' (he lost over 100 lbs). That means that all of the junk food in the White House will be replaced with Power Bars and rice cakes. He's also an ordained Baptist Minister. The real question becomes, what will the lobbyist bring to Huckabee's first state dinner - since there will be no wine, women or junk food.

#3 Duncan Hunter - A mid-major conference player... Normally, representatives are not mid-majors, but he's from California and they have 55 electoral votes. Aside from that, who is he again?

## Winner of Play-in

Play-in Game:

#4 Tom Tancredo - He's the guy that keeps talking about building a fence between the US and Mexico. One has to ask himself, though, if we can't hire illegal immigrates for construction jobs, who will build the fence?

#5 Sam Brownback - Arlen Spector (Senator from PA, and Senate Judiciary Committee chairman) once said that Sam wrote a movie about two homosexual cowboys who are called by G-d to become heterosexual and crusade against Stem Cell research. It was called Brownback Mountain.

Selection Committee - Democrat Brackets

Admittedly, it's a little late to be talking about a selection committee, being that Iowa has already Caucused - but hey, I just go the idea for this blog today at lunch, so back off ;-)

This will give us a chance to draw up the backets and seed the candidates on our own.

The left side of the brackets will be (predictably) the Democrats.

The Left brackets will be divided into the Eastern and Western regions, while the Right brackets will be divided into the Northern Region and the Southern Region. Keep in mind that the selection committee has a right to place a candidate in any region to preserve seed, regardless of where they are actually from.

Here we go...

East Region (Democrats)

#1 Hilary Clinton - She comes from a mid-major conference (US Senate - Warren G Harding and John F. Kennedy were the only two sitting US Senators to be elected Preseident. It's hard to consider the US Senate as a major conference in Presidential Politics), she has tons of experience fighting the "right-wing conspiracy", she's tough as nails (actually, I think she eats them) and she reminds me of the ex-nun who taught me 8th grade english at Holy Cross (I'm equally scared of both Ms. Clinton and Ms. Kohls).

#2 John Edwards - Boy wonder! Actually, you have to ask yourself how this guy is seeded so high. Seriously, he played for a short time in a mid-major conference (US Senate) and his non-conference schedule is pretty weak - he's a mega-rich trial attorney who previously lost as VP to one of the most unpopular Presidents in recent history. But, he is engaging and he's got a great smile. Let's face it, John Edwards would make a darn good looking $25 bill 50 years from now.

#3 Dennise Kucinich - A junior conference (US House of Representatives) player who won the play-in game from last year's election. He looks a little bit like an elf, except instead of cute, he kinda wigs us out.

#4 Chris Dodd - Another mid-major conference player who is strong on every Democrat core issue (except the environment - no one can spray THAT much hairspray and claim to be for the environment).

West Region (Democrats)

#1 Barak Obama - A mid-major conference player with all of the glitz, glamor and charm of a major conference player. The knock on Barak is his inexperience with foreign policy. Of course, our current President didn't have any foreign policy experience either, so what could possibly go wrong?

#2 Bill Richardson - The only power-conference (governor) player for the Democrats. He's smart, articulate, has experience in the executive branch - yup, it's official, he's got no shot at winning it all.

#3 Mike Gravel - He released the 'Pentagon Papers' in 1971, exposing the lies and manipulations that led up the Vietnam War. He's also the candidate that has told the American people we are getting "fatter and dumber" and that we should "grow up, pay more for gas and get off the dependency in the Middle East". More people would ensorse Gravel, but they are too busy driving their SUVs to the Quik-i-Mart to pickup potato chips and cola, hoping to make it home in time to watch that TV show where fat people exercise and cry.

#4 Joe Biden - He once said of Rudi Giuliani that "there are only three things he mentions in every sentence - a noun, a verb and 9/11". This guy is funny; no one is listening.

BCS, Polls, Caucas, Primaries? Why not Brackets?